Hi my beautiful Mum,
Sorry it’s been a while but I have been deciding on some big changes and have struggled without you here to talk to.
My really big news is that I’m leaving Saga…
Yep, I’m doing it (again) with my last day on 15th September.
I am walking away with my head held high as I do not think I can give any more than I have over the last couple of years.
Stuart has decided on the new structure for Digital, with discussions with me, and I decided that I don’t fit in any of the roles.
Go me 😬👏
I know for a fact that if you were still here you would support my decision 100% but it’s been really hard not being able to pick up the phone to you.
Plus Grandma… oh Mum, she’s just living too long.
She has deteriorated so much that she always recognises me but seems to have absolutely no idea who I am.
A week last Saturday I got a call at 07:10 to tell me that an ambulance was taking her to the hospital with severe abdominal pain.
Of course Mike was on a stag do and Chloe going off to Legoland for the day so I called Dad to come and get the girls and take them to Vics’ for breakfast once Chloe had been collected.
I quickly packed Chloe’s bag for her and got all 3 dressed before leaving them with Dad.
I got to the hospital and Grandma was clearly in pain but it wasn’t that bad.
They did blood tests which showed nothing wrong and then an X-ray.
By 1pm I had been told that they wouldn’t do anything for her as she is too old and has a DNR in place and that she can return to Heathfield.
The next 3 and a half hours whilst we waited for patient transport was not the best. She just deteriorated in front of my eyes.
She kept making like a crowing noise, shouting out about things. She completely turned on me saying things like, ‘you’re nasty’, ‘you’ve got the devil in you’, ‘it’s no wonder your Mum left you’.
She was refusing to wear her underwear and I had the joy of her throwing it in my face and she went to hit me 3 times but didn’t actually do it.
In the end I rang Vics as I just couldn’t take it any longer and the next thing I knew Dad walked in.
I was so grateful and even more grateful when I realised that Grandma had no idea who he was and went on about his lovely face. Then started asking if she could go with him so we asked where to. Her response was to the crematorium so you can do my funeral… we pointed out that she needs to die first.
I got her back to the home by 5pm and they took her to settle her.
It would appear the behaviour that started in the hospital is continuing.
She shouts all the time, repeating the same thing over and over until she forgets what she was shouting and then she starts shouting something different.
If she decides she wants to do something like go to the toilet she will shout and shout and try to get out of her chair and not wait. The crow like noise she was making she now makes all night apparently.
Not surprisingly, but still heartbreaking 💔, I had a call from the home last night. Grandma is having a mental health check on 26th June and they think it is highly likely that it will be deemed that Grandma is no longer able to remain in their care with the needs she now has.
I’m so gutted Mum as they have been amazing and such a support for me.
I love Grandma so much but the person I am now visiting on a wed and sun is a shell of a person. I’m not even sure Grandma is still in there. The thought of losing Grandma is really hard but in a way she has already gone.
We shall see what the decision is and if it is for her to go then social services will help me find somewhere to move her to. 💔
In other news, I’m sure you already know but Uncle Mick has joined you as an angel. His funeral last week was a lovely service and it was lovely to see that side of the family. Becky was her very chatty self 😊.
And then there’s your gorgeous family, we’ve all been as busy as ever. Vics and Rich has been away on holiday to Devon and had a great time
Joshua and Imogen are growing up too fast
My three have been obsessed with Junior bake off so we had an afternoon of baking,
They have been having a great time in the sprinkler in the garden
We finally organised Chloe’s party and she had a great time swimming.
I am back giving blood (found out I’m still allergic to the plasters)
Mike surprised with me Take That tickets, they were just amazing Mum and we were so close to the front.
Getting a photo of me with them in the background didn’t quite go to plan….
We have a few photos like this 😂😂.
We also had great fun in Sky backstage before the concert as well.
So much to tell you about that as always I struggle.
Our girls are of course on countdown to the big day in 9 days. I can’t believe they are going to be 7 Mum.
They are such beautiful children and I am so very proud of them.
I so wish you were here to see them growing and so they could get to have the joy that comes with you as their Grandma.
I love and miss you every day Mum and I am going to keep going. ❤️
Love you Mum
Love
Me xxx
Ladypitstop's Life 