One day at a time

Hi Mum,

How are you?

I think about you all the time but at the moment I am missing you even more than normal.

Grandma has gone really down hill Mum. She’s just getting ever so confused about everything.

I found it really upsetting when it first happened a couple of weeks ago but I am hardening to it now.

She asks if I ever see you, as she can’t believe that you haven’t written to her but when I talk about you not wing here anymore she says she knows.

She has got far worse with accusing them of stealing from her, she never knew about us as you didn’t tell her you got married and had children.

When I talk to her about going to stay with her every summer she remembers us being there but didn’t realise we were her Grandchildren due to the different surname.

She thinks people in the home don’t talk to her because they knew you and knew she apparently begged you not to move to Kent and they don’t like her for that.

She wets herself every time she gets up and has had a couple of other accidents this last week which makes me feel even more sad as she’s always been so independent and strong.

Every Monday Grandma goes and gets her hair done still but last Monday she got very confused over where she was meant to go back to.

I still see her every Wed evening Mum and every Sunday morning. On the odd Saturday I pick her up and take her for a coffee with the girls.

Vics normally meets us there with her girls and last time Jim came with Joshua. This was lovely as Grandma hasn’t seen them but she lacked the recognition of who they were and thought Jim was Amelia’s Dad.

It’s just so hard when she’s my connection to you and Grandma who I’ve always spent time with but she’s forgetting all of that.

She recognises me and knows my name but at times she can’t remember our connection and will ask me who my Mum is or she questions there being 2 Jenny’s, her daughter and another one who cared for her. I just keep telling her they are the same person.

I am really missing having you here to share it all with. I feel like I am dealing with it all on my own (apart from Mike).

In other news Mum I have bought myself some new running trainers which is exciting.

Last Monday Abigail has a birthday party at Imagine so we took the for a treat ice cream at Creams in Maidstone. They were amazing Mum….

I finished all of mine, of course! The girls didn’t get anywhere close which I’m not surprised about. They’re not exactly child’s portions but they’re delicious.

I so wish you were here to be part of it all, I know you would be so happy spending time with your children and grandchildren.

I know you always said that everything happens for a reason but I still don’t know why I have to do all of this without you.

I love and miss you very much Mum.

All my love

Pen xxx