Another Saturday goes by…

Hi Mummy Darling,

Here we are, another weekend without you.

How are you?

It’s been a bit of a toughie this week.

Chloe has decided going to bed is the worse thing in the world so bedtime has been a battle every night with her crying and shouting and waking the girls up.

Dan’s been off, which isn’t an issue but it’s just been a nightmare week with it being main mailing and far more scrutiny on the website, plus a new Director means it’s all been a bit crazy and stressful.

My need and want to phone you this week has been overwhelming as well.

You would think my subconscious would’ve caught up on the news that you aren’t here anymore but still I get in the car and think I’ll ring Mum but I can’t.

I started thinking about my birthday without you whilst running yesterday, I started to cry before I knew what was happening. I did that to Rachel at lunch the other day as well.

So, note to self, don’t think about your birthday!!

Running is going well though Mum, I’m up to 6 mile runs, only need to add on another 7 miles haha.

The girls have got their school uniform all washed and ready to go, only 1 more week of them not in school.

I can’t believe they’re that big, they don’t look it to me. I’m let you know how it goes with Madison! (It’ll probably be Abigail who cries!).

I know you know more up there than I do down here but I feel the need to tell you that Dad went out with another lady last night.

I know you would say that you’re glad he’s not moping and that we won’t end up looking after him and I know your relationship was not there at the end but for me, it just feels very soon.

I can’t imagine Dad with anyone but you. I know that’s going to change but my girls are still struggling at times with not having you here, without explaining Grandad has met someone else.

I’m sure it will be fine……

I miss you Mum, I really miss talking to you, hearing your voice, making you a cup of tea, seeing my girls so happy to see you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sending you all my love

Love
Pen here xxx

A bank holiday without you

Hi Mummy darling,

So, I made it through the bank holiday with Mike working every day and you not here.

Dad has been great Mum, he spent Saturday with us, we took the girls with the Pestridge’s to the Environmental Centre for a run. On Sunday we took the girls to the zoo and then yesterday I picked Grandma up and brought her back to ours for a couple of hours and Dad popped over.

Busy, but I missed you terribly Mum, I miss having you to talk to and you helping me with the girls without even having to ask.

Getting closer to my birthday Mum, it’s going to be so strange becoming an age that you aren’t here for.

A day celebrating without you, becoming 39!!

I’m coming to the end of my 100 happy days, it’s going to be strange not having to post every day but I think I will still find moments that make me happy.

Training is going well for the half marathon, I’m up to 6 miles running, getting there :-D.

My girls still miss you lots, I’m so desperate for them to not forget you Mum. I must finish their memory book.

Miss you Mum

I love you loads
Love
Me xxx

A sunflower

Hi Mummy Darling,

We went to see your sunflower at the hospices at night.

Vics and I thought it would be lovely to have a sunflower in memory of you.

It’s a lovely idea but they are set out in rows and looked a bit like a cemetery, sorry, that wasn’t what we were thinking it would be like.

We’ve decided we’re going to keep the sunflower and put it in our garden so it is somewhere that is special to is and to you.

Miss you Mum
Me xxx

Life carries on

Hi Mummy darling,

How are you?

We’ve been busy, busy getting through the days without you.

Chloe went on a camping trip for four days with Oz and El, she had a great time but I feel so guilty. It was too many days without us, she even admitted she thought it was too long and she wants us to go with her next time. I sometimes forget she’s only 6, she acts so much older!

I took the girls to Birmingham for the weekend, we had a really lovely time and it was so nice to just get away for a couple of days.

The drive up there was a nightmare and I really missed phoning you to tell you and chat to you whilst I was stuck in traffic.

The girls are being a nightmare at the moment Mum, they just fight all the time and argue about everything. I SO miss having you here to help me with them and give me advice on how to deal with them.

Training for the half marathon is going well, I’m up to 4 runs a week now and really enjoying it.

I’m dreading my birthday Mum, i just don’t know how I can celebrate it without you, it’s just not going to feel right.

I’m sorry I haven’t written for a while, but I think of you so many times a day and I miss you all the time.

Speak soon Mum

Love
Me xxx

Disneyland was great

Hi Mum,
We’re back, we had a great time.

The girls loved everything we did and we ram packed every day with as much as we could.

I’ll update you with the full itinerary later.

I had a great time Mum, but I feel so sad.

It was the holiday we booked to look forward to and I got to tell you we’d booked it, and now we are back and you are not here!

I miss you so much. I was getting changed earlier when Vics arrived earlier and I was desperate to hear your voice calling from the bottom of the stairs.

I know I will adjust but it is like coming home to you gone all over again!

I just don’t know how I’m supposed to get over it or move on. Losing you doesn’t seem to be getting any easier yet.

I love you so much and Mike sends his love, he misses you loads too Mum.

We love you very much
Love Us xxxx

Just wondering…

Hi Mum,

Just wondering if you are around at the moment?

I don’t feel like you’re here as much as you used to be…..

I know you’re probably helping others but I miss you and it would be lovely to know you are around.

Miss and love you Mum
Xxx

Time for a break

Hi mummy Darling,

How are you?

It’s been a bit crazy here recently (as always)!

It was really lovely having Beth, Si and Imogen here, it’s been really strange since they went back.

We had a day out at Leeds Castle on their last day which was very strange, all of us without you. I missed you a lot.

This week’s been busy making tweaks to the website to improve it and planning for our holiday.

It was the girls’ sports day last Friday, they did so well Mum, you would’ve loved it. I had to run between both teams for the parent race so I was taking part for both of the girls :-D.

We had a lovely day on Saturday, we went with Vics, Rich and Isabelle to the Pilgrim’s Summer Fair, it was really lovely and the girls loved it. They got glitter tattoos and their faces painted, won prizes and even had a choc ice (just for you).

Sunday was a lovely afternoon chilling at the Grundys in their hot tub. The girls had so much fun. Joshua is really growing up Mum, he’s gorgeous. It’s lovely seeing him and feeling like I’m helping out even if it’s only for a short period of time.

We’re off to Disneyland Paris in a couple of days, the girls are getting excited, now I’ve started packing their Trunkies.

Life is still so strange without you Mum, I miss you terribly. Especially since the website went live, I definitely used work as a void filler.

I feel like I just keep getting through each day without speaking to you.

It was interesting chatting with Vic earlier and talking about listening to each other. I keep trying but I think each of us had such different relationships with you that we are all struggling in our own way to work out life without you.

I love you very much
Me xxx