Happy Mothers Day Mum 💐

Hi Mummy Darling,

Happy Mothers Day x

I hope you are enjoying a lovely cup of tea.

I’m doing better today than I was earlier in the week. There’s just so much going on as always 😳, sometimes it gets a bit much.

We had Mike’s heart check up in London last Friday. His appointment was at 15:40 and we found out 45 minutes later that the clinic was running 2 hours late!!

Anyway, their main concern with Mike is his unstable blood pressure. 

He is being referred to wear a pulse monitor for 24 hours, a blood pressure monitor for 24 hours and to have a heart MRI. 

We are then going back up in 6 months for a review. I think it’s good news and that it’s great that they are reviewing Mike as his medication has been changed so many times we aren’t sure what’s affecting what.

Mike is now on the maximum dose for 3 of his 5 tablets so those won’t change again but they are concerned about how much they can do to help the heart without affecting the bad kidney.

For this Mike’s blood pressure monitoring is also going to be sent to his kidney doctor as we may need to have conversations around whether the kidney needs to be removed but we shall see.

So basically Mum, more checks and more trips to London but as I said to Mike I would rather that was the case then they just dismissed him.

Also, it was Red Nose Day, check us out 😊

Chloe slept over at Jim and Kiri’s last night. I’m sure she had great fun.

Isabelle and Amelia have both been unwell this week and Richard has a stag do in London so I spent the day with Vics yesterday.

Abigail had a birthday party at the bowling alley so we dropped her off and went into town. I think it’s the first time since the twins were born where I was with someone else who was out numbered rather than me. Vic 2 me 1 😂.

We took Madison and Isabelle for a Costa and they were both sat together smiling at me. When I asked what they were doing they said spreading a bit of happiness… love them ❤️

Here’s some happiness for you Mum.

I bought Ed Sheeran’s latest album the other day and there is a song on it called Supermarket Flowers. 

The lyrics just made me think of you Mum so I thought I would share them.

🎤 I took the supermarket flowers from the windowsill

I threw the day old tea from the cup

Packed up the photo album Matthew had made

Memories of a life that’s been loved

Took the get well soon cards and stuffed animals

Poured the old ginger beer down the sink

Dad always told me, “don’t you cry when you’re down”

But mum, there’s a tear every time that I blink

Oh I’m in pieces, it’s tearing me up, but I know

A heart that’s broke is a heart that’s been loved

So I’ll sing Hallelujah

You were an angel in the shape of my mum

When I fell down you’d be there holding me up

Spread your wings as you go

And when God takes you back we’ll say Hallelujah

You’re home

I fluffed the pillows, made the beds, stacked the chairs up

Folded your nightgowns neatly in a case

John says he’d drive then put his hand on my cheek

And wiped a tear from the side of my face

I hope that I see the world as you did cause I know

A life with love is a life that’s been lived

So I’ll sing Hallelujah

You were an angel in the shape of my mum

When I fell down you’d be there holding me up

Spread your wings as you go

And when God takes you back we’ll say Hallelujah

You’re home

Hallelujah

You were an angel in the shape of my mum

You got to see the person that I have become

Spread your wing

And I know that when God took you back he said Hallelujah

You’re home 🎤

Your photo you bravely posted for ‘make up off for Cancer’ came up in my memories the other day.

I feel like I have no real reason to be struggling at the moment when I think back to your fight Mum.

Little did we know at this point that it was going to get SO much worse.

I’m going to take some tea, coffee and biscuits into the Hospice this morning for all of the Mums who are either in there or will be visiting today. A little something I feel like I can give back to them.

I know I am going to be spoilt by Mike and my girls today and we are going to be up at the Downs later Mum to say hi so it is going to be a lovely day.

Wish you were here 

All my love

Pen ❤️

I think enough’s enough

Hi Mummy Darling,

How are you?

I really wish you were here, I so desperately need to talk to you.

I need to hear your voice.

I need one of your hugs.

I need your reassurance that everything’s going to be ok.

I need you to tell me everything you used to as my Mum, how amazing I am and all the other things you used to say.

I broke down at work Mum, in front of a whole floor of people, not my finest moment 😢.

I am so unhappy at work that I just keep crying.

I have worked so hard for so long but there’s just no end in sight.

More and more changes keep happening, other members of staff moving on, leaving me as the only one with the knowledge apparently.

So many different things have happened and I’ve been left, is how it feels.

I’ve kept going Mum.

I’ve worked so hard that I don’t think I am being unfair but enough’s enough.

I think I have reached the end.

I don’t think there’s a way back for me.

I know if you were here I would not only get the biggest hug, I would be getting daily calls to see how I am, I would be getting text messages telling me how amazing I am and you would be telling me enough as well.

I just wish you were actually here to do all these things.

I am so so sad at the moment Mum.

It feels like I have just lost you all over again, the sadness is coming from so deep inside.

I so wish you were here Mum. 💔

Love

Me x

Wow we’ve been busy

Hi Mum,

How are you?

I have so much to update you on 😊.

Our girls were in the newspaper for their world book day outfits.

Chloe got Zebra of the week so we had Marty for the weekend.

I took the girls to Birmingham last weekend with Vics, Isabelle and Amelia. We had a lovely and eventful girls weekend.

We drove up Friday night and arrived about 10pm. We took them to Flip Out on the Saturday morning. They all absolutely loved it.

We then did an Easter egg hunt in the garden in the afternoon.

And some arts and crafts……..

After which, on a usual Beth packed out day of activities we headed off to the Botanical Gardens.

There was lots of fun with running around and rolling down hills

And then this happened

Yep, Abigail fell over and broke her elbow!

When it happened Beth took her on home in her car whilst Vics and I rounded the others up.

I just knew from the way she reacted when she fell that we would be going to the hospital. 

Vics and I had fun getting everyone into the car and then realising we didn’t have room for the pushchair 😁. I managed to squash the top part  in the boot and we drove with the wheels in Vics’ foot well and her with her legs crossed on the seat.

We got home and Abigail was still very pale and couldn’t move her arm so Beth dropped us to the QE hospital.

They were absolutely fantastic and within 3 hours we were plastered up and ready to go home.

Abigail was and continues to be an absolute superstar with it. Just like last time, when I was visiting you in hospital when Pops dropped her up to A&E.

Sunday morning we went to Hatton on our way home. I bought Abigail some treats as she couldn’t play whilst the others had fun on the drop slides. We did all join in with feeding the animals though.

The drive home was great, which is what I was hoping with so many of us in the car. Amelia slept most of the way but when she was awake she had great fun with her hero Chloe.

In other news this week, Madison has been Monkey of the day twice when she is very excited about and Chloe has been moved up to stage 5 in swimming already Mum.

Watching her swim is like it used to be when I watched you swim. Really graceful and effortless.

I need to get ready for work so I have to go.

I love and miss you loads Mum and I wish you were here to be part is everything.

Sleep well Mum

Love

Me

❤

Big day today

Hi Mum,

It’s been a big day in the Vaughtrapp’s household today.

Our girls had their gradings,

Abigail is now a red belt

Madison is now a red belt

Chloe is an orange belt with 2 green tabs. She did so well Mum x

We have practiced and worked so hard. I know you are shining brighter tonight with proudness.

I missed you being there for the awards as I now you wouldn’t have missed it. Just maybe been a bit late 😂.

In other news today as well, Madison has lost her first tooth. The adult one is already there behind it but it has been wobbly for SO long.

They are growing up to be 3 strong, brace, loving and caring girls Mum. I am so proud of them.

Missing you terribly today.

All my love

Pen

P.s. Mike sends his love ❤️ x

And the winner is….

Hi Mummy Darling,

I had the Employee of the Year dinner last night.

I got myself ready and even had time without our girls as they were at their swimming lesson.

I went floor length and took my time to do my make up for a change.

This was the end result……

I didn’t win Mum, but once again everybody there was there for amazing reasons.

I missed having you here to help me choose what to wear and for the call or visit I would’ve got yesterday to wish me luck.

I was really hoping I would win and make my girls SO excited that I had won us a holiday after all of my hard work. They were still so excited for me going to the dinner so I think that’s enough.

I just want to be a good role model and show that if you work hard you get rewards but in this last year I have worked too hard and missed so much time with them.

I love and miss you Mum.

Love

Me x