Wow….

Hi Mum,

So I haven’t written to you since my birthday.

I think this period has been one of the toughest of my life and made even harder by the desperate need to speak to you and the ache in my heart constantly that I can’t.

So much has been going on Mum. I think the main challenge has been that for the first time in our 12 years Mike and I nearly didn’t make it. We’re working it out but it has been SO hard.

I really wish you were here so I could talk to you about it and have your usual ‘tell me how amazing I am and how amazing Mike is conversation’. 

We’re getting there though Mum and a marriage isn’t easy all the time so I am grateful that it has taken 12 years and a whole heap of challenges in the last 4 years to rock us.

Work has been so so hard! I literally have more work than hours in my day but there’s just no let up and hasn’t been since Dan went. I need to work out what my next move is.

I have no balance, I don’t see my friends, I am struggling to keep up with the girls school work but the hardest is sorting things with Mike and making our home a happy place to be again.

There have been good times in there too and our girls are growing up to be 3 beautiful but challenging children. 

I had the most amazing educational to India Mum. I was out there for 8 days… I went to Delhi, Jaipur, the pink city, Ranthambore, safari in the tiger sanctuary and then on to Agra to Taj Mahal. It was just amazing Mum x you would’ve loved the Taj Mahal, majestic, beautiful, peaceful even though it was crowded, just amazing.

Centreparcs was good fun as always except they are doing loads for Halloween now and the girls didn’t really like it so we are thinking of making it a Christmas weekend rather than Halloween. I am sure you would agree x

It’s the silliest thing as well but all my friends post up about bffs and it’s never me…. I know I’m not around much and it’s been really hard but I always make sure I’m free for my friends if the Lyn need me. I just need time to be there and contacting them when they don’t maybe x

Grandma is obvs still with us. She’s so confused though Mum. She thinks Gramps, Aunty Eve and yourself are still alive. She married somebody called George, has 3 grandchildren and 7 great grandchildren.

It is just no life for her Mum and heartbreaking to see her how she is. She doesn’t do anything for herself anymore when she used to be so independent.

I miss you so very much Mum, my heart is breaking every day that I can’t speak to you at the moment.

I love and miss you very much Mum.

All my love

Pen x