04:09…..

Hi Mum,

That is the time your amazing daughter ran the London marathon in.

She did such a good job today Mum, you would’ve loved the atmosphere and been so proud of your daughter.

   
 

Love and miss you.

Love

Pen xxx

A big event tomorrow

Hi Mum,

How are you?

It’s a strange feeling passing one year of you being asleep.

I feel like I am missing you so much more at the moment.

Vics is running the London marathon tomorrow for Breast Cancer Care. 

She has worked so hard Mum and has absolutely smashed her target.

  
I’m taking Chloe up with me to follow Vics around London and Mike is taking the girls to the finish.

I still find it strange planning all of these family events without you.

I’m doing my 100 happy days again, I started it last Monday.

It is lovely finding a happy moment each day 😃.

Today I was given a gorgeous locket by Cynthia, bless her. It have Mum, J, 2014 and a pink jewel, with the words ‘loved beyond words, missed beyond measures’, it says it all.

  
I love and miss you so very much Mum.

Love

Me xxx

1 year, 365 days, 8765.812 hours, 525948.766 minutes

Dear Mum.

That’s how long it’s been since I last saw you and I still miss you with all my heart every day.

In one way I can’t believe it’s been a whole year but in another I dread the next whole year starting.

I dread starting a whole next year without you but I’ve made it through 1.

Life hasn’t necessarily changed as such but. I have as a person, as have my girls and of course so has my Michael.

I still find getting through things without you so hard but I get through things Mum.

I had a lovely afternoon tea with Beth, Jimmy and Vics yesterday Mum. You would’ve loved it.

We went to the Langham Hotel, it was lovely. We all sat chatting from 14:00 until 17:30 when Beth had to get her train.

Today we are going to the Downs this morning so keep an eye out for your balloons.

We are then celebrating Isabelle’s birthday with a trip to Imagine and a family party this afternoon.

I often wonder how you were feeling a year ago.

Did you know you were alone?

Is that what you wanted?

Should we have been there?

I know the Hospice didn’t get to ring us to make the decision, did you do that on purpose?

I also think about how clearly you said goodbye, telling Beth and I how much you love all 4 of us, over and over until you said ‘but I have to go to sleep now’.

You didn’t though until the next morning…..

I wish for more conversations, more smiles, more hugs, just more Mum time.

I still struggle with it being true, really, forever.

I was thinking about loss the other day and losing your partner but be SO hard but people find love again.

I can’t find another Mum, especially one like you.

Mike sends his love Mum, he misses you terribly and says can you come and do his feet please 😄.

I have made it through 1 year, 365 days, 8765.812 hours, 525948.766 minutes without you, on to the next one.

I love you Mum

Love

Me xxx

Nearly a year

Hi Mummy Darling, 

How are you?

I can’t believe it’s nearly a year since you went to sleep.

We’re in Wales at the moment spending a few days with the Percivals. It’s REALLY lovely to see them and just to have a few days away. (Even if it is freezing!!).

We’ve done some shopping, been for walks through the woods to a castle and eaten loads 😃. It’s been so lovely to spend some time the 5 of us as well, I love spending time with my family.

I don’t know how I feel about the weekend. I’m looking forward to afternoon tea for you with my sisters and brother in London Town. You always made London such a special place for us.

I love and miss you loads.

Love

Me xxx

As time goes by

Hi Mummy darling,

A year on and Easter has been and gone again.

I’m not sure whether this was classes a a a first without you as you weren’t here last Easter Sunday but obviously we aren’t at that date yet.

Abigail has been so unwell Mum, bless her heart. Her temperature was really high all over Easter until her cold was coming out.

She didn’t even eat any chocolate!! And it meant we spent most of Easter as home with her. We even missed a party at Sandra’s as I didn’t want Abigail to share it.

We’re sorting out Grandma’s teeth for her. She’s two out of the four visits down now.

The girls are on holiday at the moment, they’ve had two days with Daddy and are going to holiday club tomorrow.

Next week we’re going to see the Percivals for a couple of days before Beth, Jimmy, Vics and I are going to London for afternoon tea for you.

I still can’t believe it’s nearly a year……

Love and miss you loads

Love

Me xxx

It’s Easter

Hi Mummy Darling,

So, it’s Good Friday.

If you go by the day, it’s the last day we saw you.

If you go by the date it’s just over 2 weeks.

I’m going by the date Mum.

I don’t associate it with Easter as it feels like Easter just didn’t happen last year!

We’ve organised for the 4 of us to go for afternoon tea on the 18th in London and on the 19th we’re going to do something to celebrate Isabelle’s birthday.

I can’t believe it’s nearly a year!!

We had the next test for Mike on London yesterday.

He had to be wired up with an oxygen mask. Honestly Mum, there were wires everywhere, head, lots on his chest, one attached to the end of each finger!!

He had to ride a bike at a constant level for a period of time. Mike’s heart pain meant he had to keep stopping and starting again so it took over an hour!

We walked for a bit afterwards, Mike was really wobbly and wanted some fresh air. Once we had walked and had some lunch he was feeling better but tired.

We got home and Mike slept on the sofa but he seemed really uncomfortable Mum. 

I’m sure a lot of it is just the stress of having the test done and then the effects of the test itself.

It does worry me though Mum. You know me, just carry on as normal. What do I do though if it gets bad?

I know, cope with it when it happens and not worry about it until it happens.

I tell myself he could live longer than me……..

The girls had a good day. They think Susan is nice, which is good and makes life a bit easier for Dad.

Dad said the girls were really good and that Susan thought our girls were very well behaved and polite. I’m so pleased.

I’m running 8 miles with Vic this morning for her training. She’s got to run 20 miles this morning.

Her longest run yet. She’s doing so well Mum. You would be SO proud.

Love you loads and miss you loads.

All my love

Me xxx