It’s been a while

Hi Mum,

I’m so sorry I haven’t written to you for a while.

I think it’s a mixture of being crazy busy but also it has been quite tough getting through everything and I have found it SO hard getting through it without you.

We went to the Downs on the 19th May and sent you up some more balloons. I hope you got them.

It was absolutely freezing and wet but there was no way the girls and us were not going to send you something.

I felt really mixed after the 19th May. It is still so hard to accept that ‘that’s it’ still! Any chance you could pop back for a visit? Not that any amount of time will be enough.

I had a lovely dinner out with Karen the other day, she has been such a great friend Mum, she makes me laugh so much. I am so blessed to have all of the friends and family that I have.

This last week has been half term so craziness of work and sorting out the girls every day. They’re back to school tomorrow. I can’t believe the girls are nearly in year 1 and that Chloe is moving into year 3!!

We saw Jimmy yesterday for his birthday. It is still strange doing events without you but it was still a lovely afternoon.

Today has been a family day but we are really struggling with our girls not doing what they are told! The reward charts are out and up. Lets hope they make some difference.

I had my last counselling session last Tuesday.

It feels so strange. Part of me thought I had had enough of going to the Hospice when you aren’t there but another part of me felt that I still got to go where you were. Even though you weren’t really you by then.

We are on countdown to Madison and Abigail turning 5, I can’t believe it Mum. You would be so proud of them and Chloe. They still miss you terribly.

Anyway, I must go to sleep.

I love and miss you with all my heart.

All our love

Pen and Mike xxx

Another tough day is coming

Hi Mummy darling,

How are you?

I’m missing you terribly at the moment.

I had a lovely but hard girly evening with the family last night.

Sa had great news, they have removed all of the cancer so we had a few drinks to celebrate.

A lot of the conversation was, of course, around what surgery/treatment they have had.

I SO wished I could talk about the treatment you had and how you are now but I struggled to join in with the conversation.

You’re gone and they’re both in recovery.

I just wish that was you in recovery as well.

I managed to not cry though Mum. It was meant to be a celebration 😳.

I’m going to a baby shower today. We had to provide a story about us as a baby.

I asked Dad if he knew any but he said I would have to ask you as he wasn’t around…..

I think that may be a problem……unless you can send me a story?!? 😊.

I can’t believe it is information I’m not going to know.

I’ve gone with falling and breaking my nose.

I’m going to try and include stories about my girls in my letters to you so I can look back on them.

The baby shower is at the Secret Garden Mum. I haven’t been there since you went to sleep.

With Tuesday being the year anniversary of the celebration of your life I’m feeling a bit emotional anyway.

I just keep trying to think about what a lovely day it was….

Chloe has got a tobogganing party tomorrow, we’re going to see if the girls can have a go as well, should be funny, or they will break something haha.

Love you loads Mum.

I miss you with all my heart.

Love

Pen xxx

It’s Joshua’s birthday

Hi Mum,

It’s Joshua’s first birthday today.

He’s so gorgeous Mum, and growing up so quickly.

We’ve bought him a swing with Team Mac for his birthday. Dad has got him a sandpit with a parasol and they hadn’t opened the other presents yet.

You would be very proud of Jim Mum, he’s trying to be the best Dad he can be.

Chloe’s got her SATs at the mo so she’s getting very tired and emotional about it all.

The girls are good, loving school, breakfast club and after school club, now they are in there on a Tuesday.

My stress of ‘who collects the girls’ is reduced 50% which is lovely.

Vics no longer has the stress of collecting them each week which I’m happy about.

Work continues to be a bit over-whelming but I just need to get ahead again, I am chasing everything all the time at the mo.

Anyway, I hope you are ok.

I miss you every day Mum.

All my love

Me xxx

Just to say

Hi Mummy darling,

I just wanted to write and acknowledge it being your wedding anniversary today.

It is still great achievement to make 42 years x

I love you loads Mum

Love

Me xxx

Today’s been a tough one

Hi Mum,

I’ve missed you terribly today.

I think about you multiple times every day but today has been the hardest one for a while.

I don’t know whether it’s all of the first birthday celebrations without you this weekend.

I don’t know whether it’s the plant buying today where I have replaced the roses I got with you, with two new bushes as they died.

I don’t know whether it’s because I’m tired but today has been a get through everything day.

It did get too much for me earlier and I got really upset but my girls are all so gorgeous they just gave me big hugs.

On the positive side though we have had fun at the cakes smash for Joshua.

   
     

Joshua’s party was good fun. We helped out as I know you would have expected us to but it all went well especially when the weather cleared up.

  

It was good to get to spend some time with Beth, Si, Imogen and Dad on Friday.

Today has been a lovely family day as Mike worked both days so we have replaced plants and played in the garden.

We had lots of smiles and giggles in B&Q with the girls pretending to be asleep.

  
I hope you are doing ok Mum and watching over us.

Missing you with all my heart.

All my love

Me xxx